I'm coming out.

Okay, I am about to share with you, my loyal readers (which most likely is Me & my Mom)  one of my innermost secrets. I know I promised that this blog wouldn't be a pouring out of my emotions, innermost thoughts or what I lovingly refer to as "My Shit". But, tonight, as I'm sitting alone in my tiny one bedroom apartment, watching family guy and chain smoking Marlboro 27's, I have come to the realization that if I am going to have a blog, there will be times when I'm going to need to vent. I want to open up to my readers (once again me & mom) and I feel like I cannot completely and  honestly do that if I hold this secret inside any longer. 

I understand that this topic in controversial, frowned upon, misunderstood and feared. I am looking into support groups for people that are family & friends of people like me. As soon as I find some, I will post links. I want you guys to realize that I am telling you this because I care and trust all of you. 

With all of that said.... Here's my  secret....

I FUCKING hate Will Smith. 

Original Artwork by SS. Copyright, Trademarked, Patented & all other douche-bag forms of legal nonsense  2011

 I realize that this is an extremely controversial topic. I know that I might lose some  friends, family members, and  years of freedom (if anyone in Will Smith's camp, or Mr. Smith himself, sees this). But I honestly cannot stand this pretentious fucktard. I understand that he is a 'great' father,actor & 'musician', but he is also a secret asshole. I do not  know how or why this intense hatred for this man started, perhaps it's because as a child my babysitter forced me to watch "Fresh Prince of Bellaire", or because when I was 8, I listened to "Welcome to Miami" nonstop for almost year straight (This is also about the time I started getting pubes and growing hair in places that before this, I didn't think were supposed to have hair- and yes, I am referring to my asshole). Like I said, I don't know or understand the deep psychological issues that are rooted in my brain that cause  me to hate this man with the intense, fiery passion that I do. But, I will say that I don't hate him without some reasons, however stupid and illogical they might be. I have listed a few for you,so that you may better understand me & my newly 'irregular' lifestyle. 

Reasons I hate Will Smith

By: Your loving Blogger 

1. The 'Hit' single cleverly titles "Parents just don't understand" (1988) 

First and foremost, this is  one of the most RIDICULOUS songs EVER recorded. I say this while also openly admitting that I have listened to Tatu's song 'All the things she said' and that I owned CD's by Ricky Martin, B*witched & Lou Bega. If you don't believe me when I say this song is the closest thing to the Special Olympics official anthem, then I have provided snippets of the lyrics for you to enjoy. 

"I remember one year/My mom took me school shopping/It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and my little sister/All hopped in the car/We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall" 

- Will Smith "Parents just don't understand" 

Alright, let me just start with this, these are the most terrible lyrics I have ever read in my entire life. I have even read experts from Ke$ha's first album. These lyrics are stupid, meaningless and utterly boring. I do not give a flying FUCK that you went shopping for school clothes. I do not care who was in attendance, and I certainly do not care were this whole ordeal went down. Furthermore, the way he says "Oh & my pop" is alluding to the idea that he had a deadbeat Dad. No one gives a shit you giant pussy, get some therapy and shut the hell up. Also, rappers do not go 'back to school' shopping with their parents. They normally only have a mother, and they claim to be too broke growing up to buy a $20 shirt. So, there goes all your 'street cred'. 

2. The whole super High  'I don't cuss in my music" Horse. 

Okay, if you have been  keeping up with this blog (which at this point has an grand total of 2 fucking posts, try and keep up- I know the reading load is intensive) then you understand my love for foul language. I cuss like a sailor, I fart like a truck driver, I talk about shit more than  anyone should, I drink like a man & I would much rather talk about something disgusting and grotesque than what color I'm going to paint my  nails next Tuesday. This whole idea of NOT cursing in your music, is absolutely ridiculous and foreign to me. I love music, and I want to connect with the music I listen too. Something that, in my opinion, is not possible without the occasional curse word. So to you, Mr. Smith, I have this too say- If you want to make music without 'curse words' then make a fucking children's album. Until then- shut the fuck up. 

3. The song "Welcome to Miami" 

I'll just go ahead and say it. Miami sucks donkey cock. I have never been there, and I have no desire too. Everything I have ever seen or heard about Miami makes me  want to vomit. It's a bunch of trashy whores in 'clothes' that barely cover their coslopus', illegal immigrants, mafia activity, mounds of cocaine, smuggling or rafts lining the beach from the Cuban refugees that float in by the light of the moon onto nasty beaches that I can only imagine are littered with empty Carona bottles, 4Loko cans , used tampons and jizz-filled condoms. 

4. The movie "Wild Wild West" 

If you have seen the aforementioned movie, then #4 needs no further explanation. 

Also , I fucking HATE his daughter, Willow Smith. Call me an asshole for making fun of a 9 year old. You may say I'm 'cruel', but you know what I say in response to that statement? "Fuck you". That song she has playing on the radio 900 million times a day? That is the most OBNOXIOUS song to ever molest my ear drums. Additionally, she has a mustache at the age of nine. I understand that Madonna allows her pre-teen daughter to walk around with what can only  be  described as a 1980's Pornstar bush on her forhead in the place of eyebrows, but Madonna has sold more albums than God (while also making the most blasphemous and offensive videos ever) so she  can do whatever the fuck she wants. And I'm pretty sure Kaballah has a sacred rule against plucking your eyebrows.