Day 2 of this stupid shit. I can't believe any of you actually came and read this mind melting crap. In all honesty, I am more surprised that people actually voted on my ridiculous poll. You people are either really great friends, or complete idiots who really need to pick up a fucking book.Either way, keep reading, bitches.
Today's topic:Bitchy Men. And no, I am not referring to gay men. Those are lovingly(<3) referred to as 'queens' on this site. I am referring to straight, hairy, smelly, sweaty, stinky MEN. Men that enjoy vaginas, Coors Light, Football and Pamela Anderson's boobs-1999 boobs, not 2011 boobs*. (If you are confused about this reference to Ms. Anderson's fun-bags I have provided this helpful little history lesson)
*As to avoid confusion or any further offense (not that I truly give a shit) I am referring to the males species, not Lesbians. After further consideration I saw that my description could refer to both. Gotta keep it real. I love my Dykes !
Let me just start with this disclaimer, I love men. If you know anything about my sex life or "social habits" as I call them,then you know that when I say I 'love' men, it is the biggest fucking (no pun intended) understatement of the millennium. With all of that said, nothing is more obnoxious than a moody, bitchy man. I have encountered only a few of these in my life time (see my personal dating history starting circa August 2010) but, a few is all that I need too meet in order to know that I hate them. Seriously...what the FUCK is wrong with these guys? I've noticed that they all have the same personalities. They all outwardly exude this 'MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOURS, SO I CAN ACT LIKE A DOUCHEFUCK' attitude. I've also noticed they usually come with a slew of emotional disorders, baby mama drama and disgusting personal hygiene habits.
I started 'talking' to this guy, I don't want to name any god-given names on here so we will refer to him as *Bitchfuck (coincidentally, this is what I called him behind his back while be were dating & publicly after our torrid love affair ended- a torrid love affair that did not include sex because *Bitchfuck had some serious hangups about sex.Asshole.) I digress, *Bitchfuck was really cool at first. I had a lot of fun with him, he made me laugh. Then one night, he went all fucking 'My heart is in Ohio' on me. He starts telling me how depressed he gets sometimes and how he's so tired of life and all the crap that keeps getting thrown at him. He then proceeds to tell me his ENTIRE life story, as a I sat there, staring at him, and internally replaying the latest episode of Grey's in my head. I watched this 'man' that I had come to like so much, wither into what I can only describe as a shriveled up vagina. I lost my Cloner almost instantly. However, I apparently have a soft spot in my heart for psychopaths and continued to date this guy.
Shortly after *BF spilled his disgusting and utterly boring life story out to me, he started acting like a moody little pecker head. Shit got old, REAL QUICK. One minute we'd be talking, having fun, laughing and the next? He was a complete asshole. He'd start bitching about something I did, said, didn't say, didn't do, or the actions/inactions of someone else. He freaked out and got pissed off over the stupidest shit in the entire fucking world. He would text me, and if I didn't answer RIGHT AWAY, I'd have 1-200 million texts after said initial text saying things like "Why r u ignoring me?" or "O, U dont like me no more??? K bye." or my favorite "Quit being a fag n answer me". FIRST AND MOTHER FUCKING FOREMOST, Bitchfuck, you need a dictionary. Stat. I have seen better grammar and spelling on an illiterate, dyslexic Cambodian child who's first language is not English. Secondly, since WHEN did my life start revolving around your retarded ass? I understand that your Mommy probably still wipes your ass for you, and makes you PB&J sammies before she leaves you home alone while she goes to work, but I,sir, have a mother fucking life. So if you're going to pop off because I wasn't waiting by my phone for you to text me, then go stick your cock in a blender and press "Puree". It also pissed me off that he was so angry at the world and life for 'throwing' all of this 'crap' at him. Every single iota of 'crap' that had been 'thrown' at him, was 100% proventable and completely his own fault.I understand that sometimes we do things, not realizing the consequences, BUT shit..own up to your mistakes. You are a grown ass man, start acting like it, cockbite.Also, I might add, BF* lived at home with his mommy, did not have a job, education or working vehicle. And, yes, after reading this story over I have decided never to date anyone ever again. It has become clear to me that I am incapable of picking a normal,functioning, member of society to date.
Anyways, to my great dismay (Sarcasm) Bitchfuck* and I soon ended our romantic relationship. It was, true to his nature, dramatic, over-extended and utterly ridiculous. We are now on 'speaking' terms, but I have no wish to date him or see his penis ever again.
Also, for those of you that are confused by the "Cloner" reference ....
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I didn't tell you this story just to make fun of poor Bitchfuck*, although,I will admit I LOL-ed a little at his pathetic ass while writing this. I am telling this story so you guys have some sort of reference to work with when I go off on rants about how fucking annoying this shit is.
Men like Bitchfuck* really need to get a fucking grip. Not only did he utterly destroy the raging Cloner I initially had for him, but he made himself look like a giant pussy. When I ended things with him, he told me 'Oh, alright, that's cool. I had back up bitches incase this fell through." After my initial anger fizzled at this comment, I couldn't help but laugh. Not because I doubted that he had 'back up bitches', I'm sure he did. I laughed because he will continue, for the rest of his miserable life, to go through an endless string of 'bitches'. Hopefully, all of these 'bitches' will be smart enough not to tolerate his shit, but one can only dream so big.
It's just completely appalling to me that someone who is supposed to be a 'man' can act like such a fucking twatsicle. And I know that this is not the only documented case of 'Youralittlecuntaritis' in the whole wide world. I welcome people to share their stories with me, but only if they're funny. This isn't Dear Abbey, folks. And to be quite frank I could give a shit less if someone hurt your feelings unless there is some sort of comedic aspect to the story. Example: If your boyfriend shit on you during an argument to make your dumbass STFU, then please, by all means, share with the class. Because that's comedic gold and you probably had it coming.
But in all seriousness, this is an epidemic. Men are transforming into these big,strong,' Mountain Men' type of creatures into crying little titty babies with emotions and shit. It is not acceptable. I understand that having emotions in inevitable and everyone needs to 'feel',express themselves and all the Freudian bullshit. But,for fucks sake, if you have a penis attached to your body- do the world a favor and cry in the fucking shower from now on. You're making an ass out of yourself while simultaneously demolishing your sex life.
On a Much lighter note, I am trying my hand at Digital Art. This is my latest creation.
If you don't get the reference ......
Have a great fucking day.
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