Can't sleep.

*Reminder: If you haven't yet voted in this month's poll about mini-people, please do so now. Your votes are important and I want your voice to be heard. I also just want to make sure I'm not the only  freak that thinks these baby humans are adorable. 
* PS- I'm still pissed at the bitch that wouldn't let me pet the one we saw in Target. You know, the one with the club hand? It was a double whammy! And all I wanted to do  was pet it, and take a picture. That's like refusing to let someone pet a Unicorn. When you see what you presumed was a mythical, dreamlike creature, YOU TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE.And you said it was unethical. You know who you are. Slut.


I know it appears as if I've posted 2 Blackie awards in one day. But, check your fucking time stamps people. It's technically the next day. And, this is  my  blog so I'll do whatever the hell I please. 

Today's Blackie Award (at least the first one, because, like I said, this is my fucking blog and I'll do what I want. If I want to give out 17 Blackie's today,who the FUCK are you to stop me. YOU DON'T KNOW ME) is going  to someone  very near and dear to my heart. This person is not  only the father of Reggae music, but also an inspiration to stoners young and old alike. 

Black Person Of The Day!

Bob Mother-Fucking Marley. 

I have always  been a fan of Bob's. Long before I took my first bong hit, I can remember my Mom playing 'Bob Marley and The Wailers' greatest hits compilation from Target. I liked him before it was cool to like him, so technically, I am better & cooler than you. I will say one  thing, I think that Mr. Marley's work has been really exploited, overplayed and pretty much ass-fucked in every which way possible here lately. So many people try to mix his shit with chopped &screwed annoying-ness, that it looses it's raw 'goodness'. So Z-ro, please stay the FUCK away from this good music. 

Anyways, another reason that I like Mr. Marley so much is, obviously, that he likes weed so much. We  share this love for the magical herb. And Mom, I know you're reading this. Don't get pissed and bitch me out. It's time we cut the bullshit. I smoke pot and you know it. And this blog is anonymous so none of your friends will know it's me. And, if you tell me  you never ripped on a bong back in the day, I'm gonna call you a fucking liar.And besides, if you really didn't want me  to ever try weed, you shouldn't of let me  listen to Bob Marley at the tender age of 8,because any water-head could tell you that they go hand in hand. Back to the topic at hand, WEED. Well, technically Bob, but you get the picture. I have been high a lot in my life. (Shout out to  a very  special Lez-bot for smoking me out  in our friends back yard Freshman year of High School. HOLLER) and it seems like everytime I am stoned out of my mind I think to myself "Self, you should listen to some Bob Marley right now." And I do, because you always have to follow your heart. Another good thing my mother passed down to me.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program. 

I realize that a lot of you, after reading previous comments, might think that I do not like my mother. On the contrary. This woman is the tits. Anyone who has had the pleasure of meeting her hot ass can tell you that she's probably the coolest bitch around. Yes, she's moody sometimes. Yes, sometimes I do want to strangle her with a crusty thong. Do we fight? Of course we do. There have been times where I swore I was acting out an extra bad episode of Jerry Springer with her crazy  ass. But, at the end of the  day, she's my best friend. The linguine to my alfredo sauce, the melody to my music, and, perhaps more fitting  for todays post, the kief catcher to my grinder.This woman puts up with a lot of bullshit from me. She has listened to my in-detail descriptions of my sex life. I have told her things that I know she didn't want to hear, specifically, how I lost my butthole virginity. Speaking of buttholes, I cannot  COUNT the number of times she has patiently listened to  be  describe my latest poop, or listened to me cry about my butthole bleeding after apparently eating glass (or really sharp corn). She listens to me cry over the most STUPID SHIT that anyone has ever cried about. She always answers when I call her 17 times a day,unless she's on vacation, WHICH REALLY PISSES ME OFF, PUTA. Also, she pushed me out of her vagina without any drugs whatsoever. I think we can all agree that , in its self, deserves a whole lot of fucking recognition. She's toted my ass to doctors, seminars, hospitals, psych wards (not really), and never once complained. She's put up with every crazy fucking situation I've gotten myself in to. And when I stopped going to school one semester, she didn't tell my Dad. Probably because she knew if he found out he would literally strangle me with his giant ogre hands. She was protecting  herself  from losing a child, and being married to a convicted murderer. But, that's not the fucking point. In conclusion, I love my Mom a whole fucking lot. She deserves a crown or some shit for putting up with my crazy ass. So Mom, if you're reading this, which you better fucking be because I told you to, I love you. Thanks for all the shit you've done & allowing me to drink way before I was 21. Also, thanks for that one time you bought  me cigarettes when I was like 16. I was jonesin' like a crack head at the Vatican, and I really appreciate it.